"...our son who happened to be gay."

i recently purchased judy shepard's book "the meaning of matthew" and finished it the same day i started it. judy's book is about her son, matthew, who was violently attacked and then died; eleven years ago today.

i remember hearing about the university of wyoming student who was brutally attacked and left for dead that cold night in laramie. i wondered how anyone could do such hateful things to another human being. in october of 1998, i had my own internal struggles, still unable to tell anyone that i was gay. i think that the public outcry for matthew's attack and subsequent death opened my eyes to how people truly felt about gays and lesbians. everywhere, there were candlelight vigils, marches, and gatherings of hundreds (maybe thousands) of individuals to speak out against the hatred that caused one gay man to lose his life.

in her book, judy shepard talks about meeting her husband dennis and later giving birth to matthew and logan. matthew and judy always shared a special bond, one that would last their entire lives. dennis shepard's job took the family to saudia arabia where matthew enrolled in boarding school in switzerland. he was eager to experience the world, often taking trips to various places in europe, asia, and africa. on a trip to morocco, matthew was out alone when he was attacked by three men and raped. this was the beginning of a downward spiral of depression for matthew. later matthew moved back to the states, living in various places; salisbury, and raleigh, nc, denver, co, and later to casper and laramie, wy. matthew often abused alcohol as a way to escape his problems. but once matthew enrolled in the university of wyoming in laramie, he was determined to take a hold of his life. always friendly, matthew was a member of many social organizations on campus, specifically the university's GLBT alliance. it was his group's preparation for "national coming out day", that would eventually lead matthew to the bar where he would meet his attackers.

many people know the story of what happened next to matthew. he was brutally attacked and beaten, tied to a fence where he was left to die. the next day, a fellow student on bicycle saw matthew's body holding on to what little life he had left. matthew spent the next four days in a deep coma. doctors told the family that he had little chance of surviving. with his family circled around him, holding hands, matthew took his last breath on earth.

judy's honest account of matthew's early life, his struggle with depression and alcohol, and eventually the final days of matthew's life are emotional and deeply moving. now, a decade later, judy is an advocate in the GLBT community speaking at numerous functions. her top priority (along with the Matthew Shepard Foundation) is fighting for legislation that includes protection for sexual orientation in hate crimes. sadly, eleven years later, it is yet to be passed. (it passed 4 days ago in the house but has not been voted on in the sentate. if it passes, president obama has said that he will immediately sign the bill into law).

i shared one part of the book with my own mom tonight; judy shepard's first words to the public after matthew's death were "go home, give your kids a hug, and don't let a day go by without telling them you love them." luckily, matthew's last words to his family were "i love you."

for information, how to get involved, or to donate, visit the
Matthew Shepard Foundation website.